a picture of a fish

journal

"don't ever tell anybody anything. if you do, you start
missing everybody." -j.d. salinger, the catcher in the rye


11.03.2020

I have always considered myself a very organized person, although outwardly I'm certain that I appear a mess. I write down basically every thing I do in my planner and I keep a physical journal as well; and yet here I am, adding yet another way to track my existence on this shitty, shitty rock. Not to sound melodramatic, of course. I am generally not a person who takes things too seriously and I rarely express my emotions in my daily life. I think it's for that reason that I am so desperate to leave some proof of my life somewhere in the deep corners of the internet. I have just turned 18 relatively recently, and my life feels like its finally beginning, as ridiculous as it sounds. Unfortunately, that also means that I am now actively making choices that determine what kind of life I will live. I am in my freshman year of college currently, and it seems that everybody wants so desperately to be something, and even scarier, everyone seems so certain that they will succeed. I know this simply isn't the case, and as much as I would love to live a life of splendour, I know that my odds aren't great. So I will write here instead, in an attempt to romanticize the tiny things within my life, and to make sure that I don't ever disappear without a trace, no matter what kind of life I lived. Whew. That's a little overdramatic for a first entry isn't it? No matter, nobody will ever see this anyway.
xoFish